Echoing What’s Important To You

As I broke the news to Amanda (one of my best buds) that I’ve agreed to become Dan’s girlfriend, she gave me a “do you know what you’re doing?” look without saying anything.

You see, as lucky or unlucky as it maybe. Dan is a member of the United States Armed Forces, in short the US Army. Currently serving in Korea but soon to be transferred to Iraq. The question of how did we meet shall remain confidential, but bottom line is that we are now in a relationship. A long distance one actually.

My best friend’s concern is only natural as I’ve posted the same questions and doubts to myself. One of the biggest being “Is the distance going to be a problem?” The answer is still somewhat unclear; to me it’s the mixture of both actually. It can sometimes be a pain in the butt and can sometimes be alright.

The key importance is TRUST and I cannot emphasize more on this. With the distance, it makes it even harder for us to know what’s going on at the other end. Yes, in every relationship you must have trust but in a long distance one, the trust level is going to have to be higher!

Most common mistakes anyone can make are not giving enough “Guy time” or “Girl time”. Why? It’s because you feel that since there is a big distance, why can’t he spend the remaining time of his/her with you online? That feeling is natural but wrong. Although, they are far away but they still have responsibilities such as jobs or classes. They do and will feel tired. Sometime they would just like to have their own time & space. Allow that once in a while.

Also, don’t be sensitive about petty issues like “Why hasn’t he called?”, “Why hasn’t she replied my sms?” It’s only natural that your partner cannot be there 24/7. So you’ve just got to trust him/her and chill. Don’t forget to keep yourself busy! Don’t just wait on your partner. Fill in the gap time with activities so that time will pass faster. If you’re impatient about your “date” at 11pm, you could watch a movie, go to the gym, take your dog for a walk, chat with your family members, etc! Don’t just sit down and wait!

Hmm… Now, big question! “What if he/she cheats on me?”… Okay, undeniably that we’re young and hormones are raging. Sometimes we do have certain “urges”. The only way to counter that is to tell each other that you trust and believe that they won’t disappoint you. If he/she betrays that, try to find out why (often excuses are alcohol related) and then see if you can work around it.

At the moment, our laptops, internet connection and cell phones are the most important gadgets in our lives. Well, after all we depend on them to keep in touch! Currently, Yahoo Messenger offers us the best speed and connectivity. Maybe for the fact that there aren’t as many users in this region. We’ve tried MSN messenger but our feed on the camera makes it look like we’re doing MIME! So, what we’ll do is have our “dates” online.

In a long distance relationship you will have to be creative at times (to substitute the physical absence). Once, he surprised me by suggesting a movie date. I was surprised and asked how? He came out with the idea of buying the same title DVD and playing it the very same moment while our web cams were on. Although we weren’t at the cinema at the same time but it did feel like we were watching it together. Sending snail mail once in a while would be nice. Sending postcards & letters through the mail can be somewhat romantic. At least there’s something physical to touch and feel.

I also believe in finding a few friends that are in the same situation as you. At least you’re able to exchange thoughts and frustrations or even plan something together for your long distance partners. For me, I’ve met a few army girlfriends. Yeah, people that date army members too. So, we chat and talk about our issues and worries. Sometimes we console each other if there’s a problem. If feels more like a support group actually.

Just have fun with each other, don’t stress it out too much. Although it might suck sometimes. If you love each other enough, you will be alright!